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| At that moment I made the decision to come to Narconon and I had this overwhelming feeling that the best thing in my life was going to happen there… M.J. I remember the first time that I ever shot up narcotics. I felt this overwhelming sense of peace that I had never experienced before in my life. For the first time in my life, my head was quiet. The massive amounts of thoughts that went through my mind every waking minute of the day kept me in a constant state of unbearable discomfort. I allowed that discomfort to control my every decision, resulting in many years of bad decisions. I had always felt that I could not do anything right, that nothing I ever did was good enough. My mind was always telling me how “less than” I was, and the crazy part was that I believed it to be true. I had always been an over achiever, (a 3.9 grade average wasn’t good enough). I always pushed myself to be the best, but my best was never good enough, according to my own mind. That first intravenous narcotic rush was so powerful that I actually believed that drugs were the answer. But I soon found out that the drug high I was seeking was false and very short lived, and soon I needed more and more of the drug to achieve that state of numbness. My ordinary problems, which everyone faces on a day-to-day basis, (like paying bills, doing laundry, grocery shopping) were falsely exaggerated, and my big problems (like my felony drug charges) were falsely minimized when I was using. It was like I was viewing life through a backwards lens. I knew that I had a drug problem and had already been through two 12-step programs for treatment for my addiction, and still could not stop using. I felt hopeless and I felt like a total failure. A friend of mine, a Narconon graduate, called me up one day and told me about an awesome program in Oklahoma, and how much this different type of program helped him, not only to get off drugs and stay clean, but how to become a better person. As he was describing the Narconon program to me, I could see this brightness in his eyes, and I could feel the positive energy in the air that was being generated to such a degree, that I knew right then that I needed this program. At that moment I made the decision to come to Narconon and I had this overwhelming feeling that the best thing in my life was going to happen there. I trusted that “real” feeling that I had at that moment. That “real” feeling filled me with that peace I was looking for in drugs. I came to Narconon believing that I could overcome this addiction. I completed the first part of the program and for the first time in my life my head was quiet…without medicating myself. I continued on and soon graduated from the Narconon program. I realized that taking drugs was not my problem. My problem was how I viewed or perceived life. I noticed that the backwards lens that I had been viewing life through for so many years had flipped around, and for the first time I could clearly see life, and myself, as something that was worthwhile, and viewed them as they were meant to be viewed. I discovered that the best thing in my life did happen at Narconon…I have found that peace that I have been seeking and best of all…I have found my true self. M.J. - Narconon Graduate |
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